So, it's my birthday.

It's my 31st birthday.  Every year since 2006, my birthday has brought about memories of my mom.  My 25th birthday was the hardest because that was the first one where she was not here to celebrate it with me.  She always tried to make our birthdays special, just like I try to do with my kids.  Of course, Christmas of 2005 (my oldest's first) wasn't great because she was gone.  Mother's Day of 2006 was horrible for me.  Basically every big holiday and my birthday remind me of my mom.  So, it's bittersweet.

Speaking of making the day special, I see people having good times with their mothers and daughters, and frankly, I get jealous.  I would love to spend today with my mom, go out to eat, do something special, but that's not going to happen.  It hasn't for a long time, and it never will again.  However, when I think of how I would like to spend the day with her, I think about how different my life might be if she were still here.

As you already know, my mom's 2005 heart attack death was my biggest motivation for starting my weight loss journey.  If she were still here (and I would absolutely love her to still be), would I have ever started this journey that has taken me in many new directions?  I tried dieting and losing weight while she was still alive, and I was not able to stick with it.  So, I am not sure that I would be where I am today if I hadn't had that motivation.

Speaking of motivation, another special person in my life seems to lack it.  Losing a couple of toes wasn't motivation enough.  Losing half of his leg wasn't motivation, and it appears losing his leg above his knee is still not motivation enough to want to get his life back together.  Type II diabetes, heart problems, high cholesterol and blood pressure, and even his ex-wife's heart attack death isn't motivating enough.  I am not sure what else we can say or do to give my dad the motivation he needs to keep going and want to live.  I simply do not understand that.  It makes me mad and upset.  I've already lost one parent to poor health. I don't want to lose another one, and he doesn't seem to get that.

On the note of going after want you want, my students just completed a poetry unit where Dead Poets Society was a central focus.  You know, the movie where "Carpe Diem" is the theme.  As I was teaching them about this concept of seizing the day, not only did I hope they were truly listening to the message, it reminded me that I need to do the same.  I need to go after what I want.  I think I have done a good job of it so far...running a half marathon, losing over 100 pounds, now pursuing my Master's Degree.  I am not the type of person who will just sit back and let my life pass me by.  Why live a life like that?  Contribute a verse to life's song!

Why do I keep having this problem?

I love the structure of an exercise program that tells you which exercises to do which day.  The problem I have with them, though, is that I get bored after 1-2 months.  I find myself doing my own thing.  Yes, I am still exercising, but I assume I would get better results if I actually stuck to the program schedules the fitness experts devised...most probably know something about the order of the exercises and put them in that order for a reason.

I find that if I don't follow a program, I am more likely to slack off and not exercise as much.  However, there is that boredom, even if I love the program (Turbo Fire and ChaLean Extreme, for example).  I did okay when I did the hybrid of the aforementioned programs, but when I tried doing each on their own, it didn't work for me.  I need to figure something out (oh, and start feeling 100% good or at least close to it).

On a different note, I have to be honest...I pigged out during Christmas.  I gained close to 10 pounds during the holiday season.  I became addicted to sugar and fat.  I didn't really care what I was putting in my body, even things I previously (and now) try to stay away from...high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated oils.  After the holidays, I decided this was not going to work.  My clothes weren't fitting, I was not feeling well in several aspects, and the scale was way up.  I assumed that once I started "being good" again, the weight would just fall off.  Boy was I wrong!  It's been 3 weeks, and I have lost about 1-2 pounds.  Ugh!

So, what I have concluded is a) I need to not ever let myself become addicted to sugar again, b) I need to find some exercise regime that I will stick to, and c) I need to get over this cold/sinus stuff.  When I complete all of these, I know I will get down to my goal weight...finally!!!

Later...


P.S.  When I went through the online version of Chalene Johnson's PUSH book, I decided my PUSH goal (main non-fitness goal that I am working towards right now) is to apply to graduate school to give me more career options and more job stability (teaching isn't going in the right direction).  The good news is I just have to wait for one more reference letter to submit then fill out the application.  I know I'll get in...just have to find the funds to go through with it.  :)

I'm back! (What I've been up to...)

Long time, no blog (again).  Life has been pretty busy with a few lifestyle changes...mostly just trying to organize my life better and working on getting into grad. school.

I have had an ongoing sinus infection.  Yes, I know.  Even after surgery.  But it's not as bad as it was before surgery.  Anyway, not feeling well a few days led to no exercise.

Speaking of exercise, I am doing some Jillian Michaels' dvds, using the treadmill, and adding in my beloved Turbo in there for cardio once or twice a week.  The scale was up around the holidays (darn holiday goodies!), but it is slowly going back down.  I have about 20 more pounds I want to lose.  Of course, I want to gain some muscle too.  I know I can do it!

The other thing I that I am doing that I didn't (honestly) do the first 100-110 pounds is to count calories.  I am using My Fitness Pal.  Love the support and ease over there!  My hubby is doing the same thing with counting calories (using Spark People), and he has incorporated an exercise routine also.  I'm so proud of him!  I also wouldn't mind more muscles on him, to be honest.  Love a muscular man!

I am thinking about doing another half marathon, maybe in September.  It was such a great feeling crossing the finish line last year at the Sunburst that I think I want that feeling again.  The one I am looking at is in Indy and only for women.  We'll see.  If I sign up by the end of January, it's only $25.  Let me think on this.

Oh, one more thing, several of my online friends have gotten certified to teach Turbo Kick (the gym version of Turbo Jam/Turbo Fire).  I think I'll look into getting certified this summer.  I know no one in the area has classes (that I have seen), so I might be able to actually have students/a class.  :)

Later...