So, it's my birthday.

It's my 31st birthday.  Every year since 2006, my birthday has brought about memories of my mom.  My 25th birthday was the hardest because that was the first one where she was not here to celebrate it with me.  She always tried to make our birthdays special, just like I try to do with my kids.  Of course, Christmas of 2005 (my oldest's first) wasn't great because she was gone.  Mother's Day of 2006 was horrible for me.  Basically every big holiday and my birthday remind me of my mom.  So, it's bittersweet.

Speaking of making the day special, I see people having good times with their mothers and daughters, and frankly, I get jealous.  I would love to spend today with my mom, go out to eat, do something special, but that's not going to happen.  It hasn't for a long time, and it never will again.  However, when I think of how I would like to spend the day with her, I think about how different my life might be if she were still here.

As you already know, my mom's 2005 heart attack death was my biggest motivation for starting my weight loss journey.  If she were still here (and I would absolutely love her to still be), would I have ever started this journey that has taken me in many new directions?  I tried dieting and losing weight while she was still alive, and I was not able to stick with it.  So, I am not sure that I would be where I am today if I hadn't had that motivation.

Speaking of motivation, another special person in my life seems to lack it.  Losing a couple of toes wasn't motivation enough.  Losing half of his leg wasn't motivation, and it appears losing his leg above his knee is still not motivation enough to want to get his life back together.  Type II diabetes, heart problems, high cholesterol and blood pressure, and even his ex-wife's heart attack death isn't motivating enough.  I am not sure what else we can say or do to give my dad the motivation he needs to keep going and want to live.  I simply do not understand that.  It makes me mad and upset.  I've already lost one parent to poor health. I don't want to lose another one, and he doesn't seem to get that.

On the note of going after want you want, my students just completed a poetry unit where Dead Poets Society was a central focus.  You know, the movie where "Carpe Diem" is the theme.  As I was teaching them about this concept of seizing the day, not only did I hope they were truly listening to the message, it reminded me that I need to do the same.  I need to go after what I want.  I think I have done a good job of it so far...running a half marathon, losing over 100 pounds, now pursuing my Master's Degree.  I am not the type of person who will just sit back and let my life pass me by.  Why live a life like that?  Contribute a verse to life's song!