Life has changed...

The last post I wrote was about missing my mom and my dad's lack of motivation to be healthy.  Since then, Dad lost his battle.  I am not going to describe all of the details surrounding his death, as I have slowly started to heal and don't want to open that wound again.  I can still see him laying pretty much lifeless on that ICU bed way too many times to get into too many details about it here.  He passed away on March 4, 2012, after having cardiac arrest on March 2 and not really ever coming back around.  We had to make the decision to take him off of life support, and he passed about 2 hours later.  What this means is I am now an orphan.  Yes, I am an adult, and therefore, I do not "rely" on my parents much anymore.  However, to think that I don't have that support in my life anymore is really a hard thing to handle.  I am too young to have no parents.  It means the world to me that I do have other family members that try to step in and help. I really do appreciate it.   I just wish I wouldn't have to be in this situation.  It's something I cannot change though.

Anyway, after Dad's death, I was pretty depressed and still have bouts of depression.  I knew his death due to diabetes-related issues should have helped me re-continue on my weight loss journey, but honestly, I had to step back for a few weeks.  I have gained 20 pounds in the last year.  That combined with the aforementioned situation made it so I just didn't care for a bit.  Luckily, I have since lifted my head up higher and realized what I really need to do (again).  I am sick of my clothes not fitting, and I will make damn sure that my kids won't lose me to poor health when they are not old enough to lose a parent (or more than one).

So, I have made a commitment to exercise five days a week with at least two of those day being strength training.  I have added running back into my weekly routine.   I have also been food journaling on one of my weight loss sites.  I have been working on getting my kids healthier, or at least been making plans that I need to solidify for that.  I am determined to fit back into all of my clothes (my skinny clothes) by what would have been my dad's 56th birthday, which is September 23, 2012.

My first 100+ pounds were because of my mom (at least motivated by her death). My last 20-25 pounds will be motivated by my dad and my kids, who deserve to have me around for a very long time.

Later...

P.S. I had planned on getting my Master's degree soon, but I have decided to put that on hold for now.  I need some time without as much stress, and I need to figure out what I really want to do in the future.  The degree that I had planned on pursuing was just convenient, not necessarily what I wanted to do.